Bully

Today we talked about a kid who was bullied, complained to the school, still got bullied, and killed himself.
This brought me to want to share a few points that I think are important for others to see in me.
Everyone is bullied. Some just may not take it to heart like others do. Sometimes people say thats gay, it dosent hurt, other times it does. Some times I take it to heart, other times I don't. One kid in my class said he dosen't think he has ever really been bullied. I was thinking to myself, you don't need to be bullied really good to be bullied, the fast that he said really leads me ot believe that he has been, or else he would have said it confidently.
Another person was talking about how her dad commited suicide, I'm not sure why, she never told us why. He chose to take his own life, and I feel for her, because it affected her. My mother has cancer my freshman and sophmore years, already the hardest years of highschool right? It affected me, I dealt with it. I didn't kill myself over it though. One kid in our class talked about how he tried to jump off his roof to kill himself. The same year he did that I slit my wrists to see if it still hurt. Looking back I used that as an excuse, see if I could still feel the pain. Now I realise it wasn't that, that was just my excuse, so I wouldn't have to say I tried to kill myself. We all go through something hard, and we all deal with it diffrently, your not special because you went through a hard time. Your special because of who it caused you to become as a person.
When I realise dI liked trannies, it wasn't too big of a deal for me. I told everyone openly. Still saying I liked some normal old boy didn't feel right inside, I felt so akward, I felt ore right telling myself I liked girls. Now I still question myself, but I don't hate myself for not knowing. I hated myself for being confused and questioning myself with no answers before. You shouldn't feel bad for me, I don't feel bad for you. I know your pain, in a diffrent way prehaps, or maybe not, we all share it, it is what makes us humans, and people. We all experiance it diffrently, but the pain comes. It's not unique or special, that you wanted to kill yourself. Many people do. It's not special that your gay, bi, queer, trans, or because of the pain that that caused you. Too many people are that to make it that special, your special because that makes you the person you are right now, today.
I hope you understood my point. If not maybe you will understand it some day.

What I am.

A lot of people wonder what my orientation is. A lot of people also don't understand when I explain it to them. I will try to tell you simply what I like. I like boys. Normal boys. Straight boys. I also like cross dresser, or transvestite boys. They may call them self woman though, and in that case I like women. Every now and then I will see a girl I like but my feelings for girls are not the same as they are for boys (for some tehy are though). I like most all boys, but I only ever like 1/2 as many girls as boys. Usually I only like girls when I have a serious crush on them. With boys I will have a crush of some for just a few days and others I will have a serious crush on just like I do for girls. I find most all cross dressers attractive, It could be a girl who got a sex change but still likes to dress girly, I like them, boy who changes to a girl and dresses girly, I like them too. I like most all T's in the LGBTQ is what I'm trying to say. Unless its a guy who got a sex change to be a woman, then It would just be the same as how I like woman, only about 1/2 as many as boys, if that makes sense. I guess I'm bad at explaining. Anyway, I know what I like. Some people just think bisexual is the best way to desribe that, to them maybe thats what I am, but only I can define me. I am not bisexual, I am not omnisexual, I am not lesbian or stright, the best word I know of to use to define myself is me, or queer. I will accept being me as being just queer. I think that is all. I just like to be appart of the community, even if I cant't have my own letter. Its ok lol. Bye byes

Zoo Trip

So I went to the San Diego zo with oe of my friends and her friend. It was like fun and stuff, I liked all the animals. I rode on several animals, because thats what I do. Thats really about it. I have a ton more pictures but alof of them have other people in them and I'm not sure if they want to be on my blog of not. I also got a ton of good pictures for refrences for drawing. :)

Prop 8- Fuck it

In my English class I have to do an assignment on a news article of my choice. This morning I chose to write on Prop 8. I read the front page headline blindly, just to get done with my assignment. My English teacher hesitated to tell us about the news in class, he frequently updates us on news from around the world. I sat there I was mad, I had to hear it from someone else so it would set in. I have recently watched some videos I subscribe to on youtube. Now I'm drowning in it. I get to see the protests on TV again. I get to hear the crap from people who are stright but think it matters more to them than to me. They don't know. It's good to have the support don't get me wrong- but why are they so clueless. I don't think I can type any more I need to see what is right. The only thing the news is good for, protests, I get to be in one without being there.

Fuck Horse Isle

Horse Isle can suck my dick. Me saying I'm queer on my profile is not date speek or personal information. Its discrimination. But apparently they accept me but they don't want it there because its date speek. I just don't buy that shit. I can handle the insults, you can call me names, that dosen't matter. Being asked to stop being what I am, I won't take that. I could understand if it sounded like I was looking for someone or was talking about a boy or girl friend, but I wasn't.
Also today I do believe we will find out about Prop 8. Wish me luck.

kahweeyaaah

I have been feeling so assured lately. I know that my life choices are right, because I see the what if paths, and I'm glad I did not take them. I only have 3 more months. I recognise that my parents pay for everything for me and I shouldn't upset them. I can wait and I understand that a relationship now will never be serious, so its not worth it, unless its a norm. I realised that sucking up to my parents isnt being true to myself but I also realise I need to make sacrafices now to enjoy life later. I realise that I have made it through another step in a never ending transition, and looking back I knew nothing. I am so happy about who I am and the decisions I have made, I know what kinds of people to talk to and who will understand. Now I'm hungry and I'm going ot go eat macaroni and cheese. See yah!

Girls!

This is the first time since I've started to blog that I have had a crush on a girl, I'm not all talk about being queer and then never be crushin. She is little, like short and shes cute. I have known her but never really like known her. I really like how she dresses, she has a good sense of fashion. Shes really fun to be around and I just get a good vibe from her. I wish I knew what she liked, but its akward for me to ask people their sexual orientation. I like it better when they tell me. I also went to a thing and saw someone I knew there and we had fun and it was fun then I ate brownies. Yeah lol. Bye